Writing: It’s a calling if it wakes you up at all hours of the day and night

I have always ran away from exploring my talent for writing.

I would ask myself: Nna ka nnete? Ke tseba ho ngola ka sekogwa? Loosely translated: Am I really able to articulate myself in writing in the English language?

Am I even worthy of people reading my work, enjoying it, engaging with it – with me and my crazy thoughts? Do I deserve that much attention?

I have so many unfinished and unpolished pieces of art sitting on my desktop and in my USB flash drives as well as in my emails. I have wimped out on publishing these because I am afraid of the criticism that comes with having an opinion especially one that is different to that of the collective.

I live in a world where people are monsters behind a tablet, cellphone and desktop screen. I live in a world where you are cancelled for choosing left instead of right.

My talent or calling, on the other-hand, refuses to leave me be. It refuses to allow me to ignore inspiration and ignore the urge to comment on society and how trash it has become. It refuses to let go of me when I am walking around in suburban South Africa witnessing the injustices of the past.

My calling will not allow me to sit down and keep quiet about how religion and culture continue to oppress women and take away their sexuality…

Listen. I don’t want to get into it as yet. I want to ease into it but I also crave to be in the thick of it.

Writing… It’s a calling when it wakes you up at all hours of the day and night!

I really have been neglecting my writing [and reading]. The one talent and art that God gave me that fulfills me and keeps me sane. A space that is both therapeutic and influential. I want to grow this space and experience growth in this space

To be or not to be in CONTROL!!!

The one part that’s difficult about giving your life to God is actually relinquishing control over your life to Him.

…the thought of giving some Higher Power MY POWER is frikken ridiculous.

I am a control freak. Things in my life, around me have to flow in a certain order. I HAVE to balance the car with the clutch and it should go smoothly and not have the shaky feeling otherwise I freak out – hell, if it switches off [stalls] at a stop sign, my whole world collapses…this is control displayed in the simplest situations of my life.

So you can imagine, as I am singing along with William McDowell right now – “I give myself away, I give myself away so you can use me. My life is not own, to You I belong” – I realise the depth of saying ‘God here is my life, take control’.

I am literally giving away the plans of my life to God. Now I am not being an atheist but I love being in control and it’s lovely going to church and getting that weekly motivation or revelation of how true this walk with Christ is, however, the thought of giving some Higher Power MY POWER is frikken ridiculous.

Here is my thought pattern there: God is amazing, the Holy Spirit is wonderful and Jesus is love and was God’s sacrifice for me to be free, it’s really all great and dandy but no, I have control of my life. I set the tone and take lead of the direction and what is God’s problem, why is He not opening the doors I have chosen for myself, the doors I want, that are written in MY master plan.

Then the Holy Spirit assists me in my thinking – “When you gave your life to Jesus, you gave your life to His way, His truth and His life. So basically your life is lived out the way He lived His. He totally surrendered to God’s plan [however horrific and unfair it seemed]. Yes He prayed for God to change His fate but He eventually came to the point, even when none of His trusted friends were in support of Him and as He was being betrayed by those He loved, He didn’t try to control the situation…and a beautiful thing came from His surrender.”

My conclusion: Letting go of 25 years of being in control and always succeeding at it is not something you give away lightly, whether it be to an uncontrollable life circumstance or to a loving, kind, merciful, wonderful and just awe-inspiring God who truly has the best of plans for your life – way more than your apparent 100% use of your brain.

For now, it’s still a journey, I have no concrete conclusions… I think, if I sing that William McDowell song long enough it will make it easier for me to realise how much more higher His plans are for me.

Christian Super Humans

With no added visual art today -mainly cause I wouldn’t even know how to begin depicting images of these types of people…

As Christians we should be super humans.

See super humans defy the odds of the ordinary person and do things in the most extraordinary way.

We should forgive like we have never been wronged, even when we face the difficulties of forgetting and the challenges of needing to avenge ourselves, forgiveness should be the first thing we wake up with in the morning and the last thing we fall asleep with at night. We should wear forgiveness on our sleeve, talking to our angry flesh and convincing it to forgive so that freedom can be found in our souls and light can exude from us.

We should love like we are loved, unconditionally, with no judgements; understanding that people are people and they are works still in progress. Our love should be encouraging; it should be an enhancing love and a healing love so that people can be the best versions of themselves. It should be an understanding love, realising that that girl did not become a prostitute ‘cause it was her dream at age five but it should be a love that takes people out of their nightmarish situations and bring them to the light.

We should show respect to others. Yes we may not agree with people’s choices, their belief systems, their way of doing things but we should respect their choices as He has given us a choice and freewill to make this choice. Degrading others for their choices does not assist us in our mission in life at all.

We should be generous; generous with our time, in how we take care of ourselves and others. We should be giving in terms of firstly how long we spend time with Him and how much we take care of ourselves. The ‘good’ of the self is usually forgotten when one thinks of serving in church ministries and charities – to have successful service, the self must have been taken care of too. Therefore being generous to self with prayer, love, forgiveness, respect and material pampering will in effect teach one to be generous to others and give to those who have not yet gained the capability to give to themselves.

Most importantly, what we forget as humans, most of all as Christians is to be grateful. Walking in gratitude is a powerful thing. It gives you joy and peace during your storms. It draws in positive energy which surpasses the negative. It definitely allows you to hone the above qualities because when you are grateful for your life you are able to forgive those who hurt you. When you are grateful for whom you are and the choices you have made, you are more able to respect others for theirs. When grateful for what you have everyday, you will be able to be generous in some avenue in your life. And, lastly, when you are grateful for how much God truly loves you [when you finally allow yourself to discover that part of your spirituality] then reciprocating that love to others, even if not received back, will be an easier task.

 

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Have you ever been so afraid of who you are that it stopped you from living your true passion?

Has the fear of your possible success and probable heavenly joy ever scared you from waking up at 3am when your passion rang the alarm?

Has that fear ever come close to the point of choking the life out of you?

Have you let that fear win you over? Leaving you helpless and hopeless asking why God has left you and let that fire which once burnt in your heart be quenched

I encourage you friend, to wake up from that slumber that you have allowed walk into your life. I urge you to tell fear that “never again will I love you”. I beseech you to wake up when your joy calls to you and tells you that ‘it is time that you show the world what we are really made of’.

Do Not Be Afraid!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world

– Marianne Williamson